Once Upon a Tax: Fogy on Tea, Tariffs, and Tired Empires

MAMGA — Make a Mac Great Again*

An Economic Fable for the Modern Fool

Once upon a time — because all fables must begin this way — a rotund old leader got off his throne and sighed with pleasure as he surveyed the kingdom that was his.

Then, very quickly, he returned and flushed once, twice, and thrice — for no one else must witness what had passed those moments before.

Returning to his white-pillared Oval Office, he summoned his aide.
"What news has the Fox brought us today?"

"None, my liege. None whatsoever."

"And the Town Cryer?" demanded the rotund one.
"Not once have I heard my magnificent name shouted about the streets these past hours!"

"The people are wary, sire. They await your next command."

"And what should that be?" mused the Big T. Then:
"I cannot think on an empty stomach!"

To the aide:
"Summon the Arches! We shall have a banquet — the biggest banquet anyone has ever seen!"

And so there ensued a banquet of vast proportions, where all were satiated and merry.

When it ended, his great friend Ronald brought the bill and said,
"My Lord, this must be paid."

The royal personage looked at the bill and said,
"I can't pay that. It's far too expensive. Can't you cut your prices?"

And Ronald, never one to mince his mustard, replied,
"Unfortunately, this is the lowest I've ever been able to go. If you don't like it, might I suggest you try Chinese next time?"

So the fat personage decided he needed more money.
But how?

Then he remembered.

"You know what," he said, "I’ve got this down to a T. Don’t we get T — or sell T — to the colonies? Why don’t we add a tax to the T? Let’s see if that makes a Big Mac easier to buy. Yeah, let’s Make a Mac Great Again. We’ll call it MAMGA! The people will rise, chant my name, and we will amass great fame!"

And so he slapped a massive tax onto the TEA — and a rebellion broke out.

The people revolted… or were perhaps already revolting. Who knows?

Bostonians and the like paraded in front of their “T”s — the gaudy Towers that promised so much and delivered so little.

They shouted down the slogans and the empty greatness and yelled in unison:

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

And Benedict rode among them, shouting:
"The bears are coming! The bears are coming! Reach for your 401s!"

And that, dear reader, is why Britain was never quite as Great again.

---

Is this a fable?
Or is it a forecast?

Are we watching history repeat itself, as investors harbour rancour over the deceit that has swayed the market?

Has the Founder floundered?
Or will the Golden Arches Glisten and bask brightly once more?

Will the Mac ever be Great Again — MEBGA?

Or will this become the Formally Ugly Collective Kingdom Ever Dead —
F.U.C.K.E.D.?

Let them eat cake!!!

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The Boston Tea Party was a political protest that took place on December 16, 1773, in Boston, Massachusetts. American colonists, frustrated by British taxation without representation, especially the Tea Act, boarded three British ships and dumped 342 chests of tea into Boston Harbor.

The protest was led by the Sons of Liberty, a group of patriots including figures like Samuel Adams, and was a direct response to what they saw as an unjust monopoly granted to the British East India Company. By destroying the tea, they made a dramatic statement against British control.

In response, Britain passed the Coercive Acts (also called the Intolerable Acts), which punished Boston and further inflamed tensions, helping to spark the American Revolutionary War. The event is now seen as a key turning point in the lead-up to American independence.