Making sense of the game of chicken.*
Have you ever watched two dogs or cats facing off? Have you noticed how difficult it is for either one of them to give in, to maybe walk away from the challenge?
That’s very much what happens to us in life with all the provocations we suffer.
It’s the belief that we can only be accepted in society—or rather, the society that we belong to—if we’re prepared to exhibit the strength and power that group demands of us.
Interestingly, the laws of the wild often dictate that only the alpha male can mate. He who is the strongest, bravest, and perhaps the smartest must implant those exact genes to perpetuate the strongest, most durable members of the herd.
It’s that same mentality that seems to drive many intelligent individuals into fruitless, unnecessary battles with no real outcome.
But is that all it is?
Obviously not. There are countless reasons for continuing such confrontations. Proving something to a loved one, to oneself, or even to no one in particular—that they can take a beating, or even turn the tables.
There’s also that red mist that defies all logic, that blinds all reason.
As in many of these topics in The Power of series, what’s needed is restraint. That deep breath. The removal of the fear that drives bad decisions.
WALKING AWAY is a tactical retreat, a strategic move that defines how emotionally intelligent we are.
Am I judging emotional intelligence the same way we judge regular intelligence?
Of course not. Emotions are far harder to control. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being smart, but about understanding how dangerous untamed emotions can be if left unchecked.
It’s something we learn from experience—not something built through books or academic knowledge.
And once you understand the cost of red mist reactions, you’ve already reached a stronger level of EI.
WALKING AWAY actually gives you power—not the other way around.
Fogy, being a big lad, was hounded by another big lad at school for some time—until that moment everyone had been waiting for. They squared off, face to face, arms locking, ready to wrestle.
Then Fogy’s watch slipped from his wrist. The strap had broken. He looked down at his precious timepiece and saw the light. This didn’t make any sense. He didn’t have to prove anything to anybody. And being a big chap, the consequences could only be bad.
So Fogy laid down his arms, picked up his watch, and walked away.
It didn’t matter what anyone thought or said. The teachers standing on the edge, watching in silence, only convinced him more that he’d done the right thing.
Provocative language and senseless thrill-seeking are part and parcel of youth, where the consequences—while serious—are often less damaging. These are the moments when we first attach sense to our EIs. When we learn how fruitless it is to fight for lost and unnecessary causes.
So your partner keeps provoking you, calls you a coward because you don’t react. Your boss tries to bully you. A group of men push people around. That same alpha male dominance you see in prison culture.
All situations where a measured retreat is warranted. WALK AWAY when you can. And if you can’t, then let that RED MIST fade until reason takes its place.
Let rationality guide your next steps—and be prepared to lose.
Winning is NOT everything, especially when it comes at an unrecoverable cost. More often than not, losing is just the lesson you—and the one provoking you—need.
Winners become losers when the win is hollow. When they’re left holding the spoils and ridiculed for their futility. Perhaps then, a little emotional intelligence might grow within them.
Walk away when you can. Think very deeply before you can’t. And understand the consequences when you don’t.
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